My boss has been really cool to me the last week or so, and I'm not sure what to make of it. On Friday we met with a 18 year old at the youth correctional facility. He had a hard childhood (domestic violence in the home, bio parents on drugs, was put in foster custody then was abused by foster brother). He spent a good part of his life in guardianship (similar to adoption) but he never had a positive relationship with the her so he often ran away. And, when he was younger he was diagnosed with having mental illness. But dispite all this the young man I spoke to was enrolled in WCC, studying psychology, plans to further his education at UH, then become a youth counselor. And without question one if the most respectful young men I've ever worked with. The issue right now is once he is released from jail, he'll be homeless because he hasn't been able to develop any social capital while in HYCF. My job is to connect him to an ILP program, and help find him housing before the end of this month. I hope we can find something. I told him we'll be setting up a circle for him as soon as we can. He asked me if if I would be there and when I said yes he gave me that thank you smile and nod. Other than work youth, the youth of the year contest is in full force, and I was glad that the Spalding paticipant pull his head out of his ass and showed up. I say this because I've been a big brother to him for over 3 years and I know he can gain a lot from the experience. But as happy as I am to work with him, I stress that he needs to work with his new advisor, and that I'm there to help all the other participants from Oahu and Kauai. One of the roles of the alliance this year is to have the teens call us (one or two members of the board) to practice phone interviews. As I was leaving one of the advisors said, "you know all the kids are just going to be calling you all week, right?" If they do I'll encourage them to get out of their comfort zones and call the other folks. But I better check my minutes.

I've been negative for too long. Right now I'm sorting through some old pictures of me to find out how to get the care free, just be pumped that you live in HI me back. The days of going to the flumes and Santa Cruz seem so long ago. I just need to find peace again. I've been at war with work, Andrea, and myself for too long. Working out and eating better has been helping. Grabbing a couple beers today with one of my closest friends here helped me gain some clarity. I'm going to make myself happy again, because the run I had in 2008 is finally slowing down. Time to brainstorm some goals (ongoing and future). I think I'll start with getting a new cat. I'm thinking... Hilo.

I finished another day at work. It's getting to the point that just finishing is an accomplishment. Today I got chewed out for something that I had no control over. I never set a date for a circle. The two staff members at HYCF gave a tentative date, I called the father of the teen that got locked up, never heard anything from the family, cancelled the tentative (not confirmed) date, and the family ended up being set to go that day. If they don't communicate with me, what else am I to do? But instead it was my fault for allowing them to think the tentative day was the actual day. That's why I said "please call back to confirm." I cant do it, I just can't. Afterwards I went to the alliance meeting had a few glasses of wine, had a capt shot coke back and was feeling great. Then met up with Andrea, who sorta killed my buzz. Had some lonely man panda express. I kinda got an email back about a job this morning. It didn't really mean a lot, but it's enough to give me hope. I'll be crushed if something doesn't happen soon. And before I forget, I visited with a foster family and youth yesterday in Palolo Valley. Sat on the sofa and tons of little bugs were crawling all over me, and the coffee table where I had my stuff. I didn't freak out while there, just calmly blew a couple of bugs off my hand while I was talking. When I left I got to my civic, opened the trunk, put my clothes in a bag and threw on a pair of board shorts. Without question the most self control I ever displayed. I may need to tell the social worker about it.

It's been nice getting off early from work. I was 11 hours OT so I've been shaving time off this week. Ive been able to hit the beach, go swimming, enjoy some sunshine, grab a shaved ice, and get some extra sleep. I also had a a meeting with my bosses regarding the craziness of last week and my overall performance. My job has a 6 month period where they will evaluate if the job is a good fit. Next month is the 6th month, so they gave me a list of things to work on. To be honest, Ill work to meet those goals, but I'm trying to be out before the month. I just don't think I can deal with my boss anymore. I applied to a couple of foundations downtown, they're a long shot but I'd take either one. They pay another 10k more than I make now, but the jobs wouldn't have me working directly with youth at all. Yesterday one of my old co workers, the one that made up the story about me back in May, passed away. Her health was bad, and she was having issues for a while now because she was older and over weight. Regardless of what I thought about her professionally, I didn't dislike her. I just thought she did some childish s*** to try and keep herself from having to actually do work. I'm glad it didn't happen at work, because I honestly thought it would happen there. I hope the kids are ok.

So unlike yesterday's circle where the former social worker brought her puppy, baby, and 4 year old today's circle was perfect, great supporters and great kid that's focused on her future. Since she already knows what she wants and is already taking the needed steps to get there, I had no issue facilitating. I teared up when a couple of aunties stated crying a little. Warms my heart to see foster families and biological families focused on what really matters.

Regarding Dreams the other night, I guess the other one wasnt too bad because the next one had me doing some serious Nikes to asses on a family if Vampire Samurais, so I guess everything is okay with my head. It's been a great 4 days without work, and now to bust out a week of circles. I'm applying to some other jobs, but not expecting much. Maagic and I caught up on current events and had thanksgiving dinner with Andrea and her mom. All and all it was a much needed relaxing weekend.